بِسْمِ ٱللَّٰهِ ٱلرَّحْمَٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ,
This is not a blog about dhul Hijjah or Arafah but an intimate exploration of how the Quran's timeless effects illuminated my path to seeking knowledge; a humble reflection on how I began to embrace and fall in love with Allah.
As a born Muslim, like many others, I embarked on a path of rediscovery and reconnecting with my Imaan through trials and tests. There was a time in my life when I hit rock bottom, where hope seemed to evaporate, and the purpose of living eluded me.
Being tested from an incredibly young age, not aware of what a test is, and its significance, led to limited, skewed knowledge of Allah. In such circumstances, it's easy to stumble and lose one's way. That was me. The negative thoughts lingered, and ultimately, one will try to block out or run away from this negative source, and that was Islaam for me. So having no real knowledge of Allah, one can only swallow the tests with negative thoughts and this builds up. Over the years the distance grew bigger. With a limited understanding of Allah and a lack of mental support, feelings of neglect and worthlessness were fostered in me.
By the mercy of Allah, those tests led me on a journey of research until I stumbled upon a lecture about reviving an apathetic heart. The Ustadh, (may Allah preserve him) touched upon various aspects, most of which my mind initially dismissed. But one thing struck a chord within me—the scholars of the past mentioned that if one goes 40 days without completing a recitation of the Quran, they are considered to have abandoned it. I glanced at my copy of the Quran covered in dust and thought, maybe this is the problem.
It was a moment that both frightened me and gave me hope. Fear arose from the associations I had formed in my younger years, where the Quran felt like a chore and the consequences of neglecting it were portrayed as punishment. But hope emerged from the practicality of the solution, like an antidote. The Ustadh advised reciting 15 pages a day, so I decided to give it a try. I began that very day, reciting passively in Arabic without fully understanding the words. Throughout that year, countless blessings entered my life.
Undoubtedly, it was challenging at first. Pronunciation proved difficult, and it took me a long time to complete those 15 pages. But SubhanAllah, by the mercy of Allah, I persevered. I am not naturally disciplined, but Allah granted me the ability to remain consistent. Even now, I cannot explain how I managed to maintain that consistency. SubhanAllah, by the end of that year, something miraculous happened. I felt compelled to explore the meanings behind the words I had been reciting passively. And that's when the Quran started to move my heart, stirring emotions I had never experienced before. It was strange for someone like me, whose heart had been tainted by sins.
This happened a random night, as I lay in bed endlessly scrolling through Twitter, I stumbled upon a beautiful recitation of the Quran. Without understanding the translation, it deeply touched my heart. I felt compelled to search for the meaning of the verses. SubhanAllah, it was the following:
يُرِيدُ اللَّهُ بِكُمُ الْيُسْرَ وَلَا يُرِيدُ بِكُمُ الْعُسْرَ وَلِتُكْمِلُوا الْعِدَّةَ وَلِتُكَبِّرُوا اللَّهَ عَلَىٰ مَا هَدَاكُمْ وَلَعَلَّكُمْ تَشْكُرُونَ
وَإِذَا سَأَلَكَ عِبَادِي عَنِّي فَإِنِّي قَرِيبٌ ۖ أُجِيبُ دَعْوَةَ الدَّاعِ إِذَا دَعَانِ ۖ فَلْيَسْتَجِيبُوا لِي وَلْيُؤْمِنُوا بِي لَعَلَّهُمْ يَرْشُدُونَ
"Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship and [wants] for you to complete the period and to glorify Allah for that [to] which He has guided you; and perhaps you will be grateful.”
“And when My servants ask you concerning Me, indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me and believe in Me that they may be guided.”
It felt as though these verses were sent specifically to me—a person who had felt depressed, extremely lonely, and unaware of her purpose. This was the first time I properly read the Quran in English. I was in utter shock. Did Allah really say this? And to me???? The words, "Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship," was really shocking, the Lord of the ENTIRE world, wants good for …ME? ..this was incredibly hard to grasp as the younger me grew up thinking I was constantly being punished by Allah.
Prior to this experience, I had held misconceptions about the Quran, perceiving it as a book of ancient rulings in a language I didn’t comprehend. But SubhanAllah, I was astounded to discover Allah's qualities—His nearness, His love for me. I replayed that recitation video for months, finding immense comfort in its message. It awakened a sense of purpose within me, a realisation that Allah loved me. This lead me to start seeking knowledge, I realised I had no knowledge of Allah, the One I am meant to be worshipping.
There were man
